You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
