I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
