The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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