Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
