Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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