I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
