so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
