I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
