I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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