On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
