Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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