so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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