Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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