This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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