What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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