you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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