Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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