Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
