Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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