Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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