You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
do nipples grow back?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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