I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
