Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
