Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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