he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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