The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
