If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
