bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
