Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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