can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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