First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
