shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
