We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
