I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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