oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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