it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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