There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
