Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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