Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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