im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
