Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
