who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Couch. On fire.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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