I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There r osticjed everywhere
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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