It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
