so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
