I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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