i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
