What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wear drunk well.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
