i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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