i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
