she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
