Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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