how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
