remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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