I should be sponsored by Trojan
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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