I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
