the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
