she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
is that a dick in a sweater?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
