I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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