His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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