ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
