Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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