Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
