Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
