i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
