i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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