I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
