and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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