I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My ass is underappreciated
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
