she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
