does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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