three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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