I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
