When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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