Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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