I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
