i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
