his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
