I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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