I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
