I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
