I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
