Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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