It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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