Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
