hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
