Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
