My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
