I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
