just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
