Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
